My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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