she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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