The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
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