If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
