Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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