I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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