Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize