Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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