She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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