I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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