I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
