Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
