Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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