I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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