I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
