dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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