ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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