I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
