I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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