your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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