I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
