I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
