to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize