Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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