What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize