So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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