First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
