i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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