I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
