He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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