Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
