I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
