And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
