So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
