you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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