dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
