and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Houston, we have a blender
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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