my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
