i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
