my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize