I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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