I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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