you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
