Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
