when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
