Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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