you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
