loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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