im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
