dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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