Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
