Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i think i just lost a toe
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
