i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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