He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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