i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
