Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
