oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
