so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
