there's paper in my vomit.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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