Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
