If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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