What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
