plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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